How To Use Public Restrooms 101: For Men

December 14, 2008

public-restroomI’d like to believe every adult male knows how to use public restrooms in a courteous and respectful manner, but after my experience yesterday I’m no longer so confident. My wife and I were doing some Christmas shopping at the local Wal-Mart when I paid a brief visit to the men’s bathroom for some important business.

Lo and behold in walks someone else with their own personal business agenda. This primitive creature marches straight for a stall, throws the door open and proceeds to pee without even closing the door. He was done before I had time to finish washing my hands and he was soon thereafter out the bathroom door.

You’re probably wondering why I’m upset enough to want to share my private bathroom time with you. Well, thanks for asking. I’ll tell you. This cretin could have used a urinal – a technological advancement developed specifically for men so that they can urinate while standing up as opposed to peeing all over a toilet seat. But no…he opted to walk right past the wall of vacant urinals and into a stall designed for an entirely different purpose. And then instead of raising the toilet seat so that he doesn’t make a mess for the next human being that needs that toilet he just aimed and fired like a high pressure fire hose with no real interest in where the stream went. And he left the door open too.

Oh, and this fruit loop didn’t even flush the toilet because, little did I know at the time, the universe revolves around him and his desires and needs. Other people don’t enter the equation. It’s all about him.

So allow me to recap. This rude man uses a toilet which is meant for a sit-down experience for a stand-up experience. This wouldn’t be such a bad thing if he raised the toilet seat, shut the stall door and flushed after he was done. But none of that happened. He peed all over the seat, floor and toilet and then failed to flush. The next person to go into that stall, whether it be the unfortunate 68 year-old Wal-Mart employee or a customer with a pressing need, will find themselves confronted with a filthy toilet.

What was going through this guys head? Why doesn’t he feel ashamed to make a mess on a public toilet so that another human being will be forced to clean it up before they can use the same toilet? Isn’t that a bit rude and selfish? What happens next time he needs to use a Wal-Mart toilet and he finds it splattered with urine? You would think that we all have that little voice in our heads helping guide us through our daily decisions and experiences, but obviously some people haven’t a care in the world for anyone but themselves.

Oh, and he didn’t wash his hands either. He just went to the door, grabbed the handle and left his special fingerprints for the next guy. He probably left the bathroom with his dirty hands to meet back up with his unknowing wife and children. Hopefully he didn’t grab her hand and pass along the germs or wipe his little girls dirty face with his fingers.

I came pretty darn close to saying something to him, but it all happened so fast that I am left without the sort of closure I need to move on and enjoy the rest of this wonderful holiday season. So I am subjecting you all to my story.

The moral of this story is as follows. Men, please use the urinals when you need to pee. If you are so afraid of other men seeing your private parts lean closer to the urinal. But please, PLEASE don’t punish everyone else by peeing all over a toilet seat so that total innocent strangers have to clean up your pee at a time when they really need to be focusing on other matters.

Ahhhh….now I feel better. Thanks for listening.

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