Does this scare you too?

Someone thought putting this scary doll in every photo would somehow enhance the appeal of the home.

Slightly embellished

Funny Vancouver Real Estate Ad

Blown off course

A newbie balloonist is blown off course and is forced to land. He is in a field close to a road, but has no idea where he is. He sees a car coming along the road and hails it. The driver gets out and the balloonist says, “Howdy! Can you tell me where I am?”

“Yes, of course,” says the driver. “You have just landed in your balloon, and with this wind you have obviously been blown off course. You are in the top field on John Dawson’s farm, 12 miles from Albury.

John will be plowing the field next week and sowing wheat. There is a bull in the field. It is behind you and about to attack you.”

At that moment, the bull reaches the balloonist and tosses him over the fence. Luckily, the balloonist is unhurt. He gets up, dusts himself off and says to the motorist, “I see you’re an appraiser.”

“Good grief,” says the other man, “you’re right! How did you know that?”

“I employ appraisers,” says the balloonist. “The information you gave me was detailed, precise, and accurate. Most of it was useless, and it arrived far too late to be of any help.”

Funny real estate sign

Extreme Bargain

I need a raise!

“I have to have a raise in my commission,” the agent said to his manager. “There are three other companies after me.”

“Is that so?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you?”

“The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.”

Old Spice Parody – Funny Real Estate Video

Thanks for the heads up

Imagine if the law mandated such a sign on all real estate NOT for sale.

Selling your home on your own? Think again…

Now this is an honest Realtor!

Is he dead?

This photo was actually loaded into MLS.

I’m back after a brief computer nightmare

Several days ago I had a serious computer problem that forced me to bring my desktop system to the shop for diagnostics. Apparently a chip on one of the boards went bad and this caused a chain reaction resulting in a hole in the fabric of space time. I apologize to everyone for being away and not returning emails promptly. I was accessing Webmail on my wife’s laptop for the past few days and that antiquated machine is as slow as molasses.

Four days and $1,197 dollars later I’m back! Miss me?

Deed restrictions protect the value of your home

Last week I was visiting with a client when I noticed the neighbor had a beautiful collection of toilets adorning his or her driveway. These porcelain thrones appear to be in great condition and are very colorful. But why are they sitting out in the front yard like this? Had this been a deed restricted community these commodes would have been a violation and unacceptable, but because this is not a deed restricted subdivision the neighbors can only look on in frustration.

Clear title is essential (hilarious!)

Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here’s a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:

You have to love this lawyer…

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual reply from FHA):

“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows(Actual response):

“Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain . The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella. The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus ‘s expedition. Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God’s original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?”

The loan was immediately approved.

Border Crossings 101

Richard Sellers, a Lake Arrowhead, California Realtor, had the following to say about the current crisis in immigration control in Arizona.

LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT!!!

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET

1 – A JOB,
2 – A DRIVERS LICENSE,
3 – SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
4 – WELFARE,
5 – FOOD STAMPS,
6 – CREDIT CARDS,
7 – SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
8 – FREE EDUCATION,
9 – FREE HEALTH CARE,
10 – A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
11 – BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
12 – AND THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY’S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH RESPECT

Trampolines: they’re not just for people anymore

Some things are just beyond words…

Fancy Duck Club Meeting

“Gentlemen, I’d like to call the fifteenth annual meeting of the Fancy Duck Club to order. Any new business?”

“Quack!”

“Splendid!”

He Who Laughs Last…

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of car payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’

22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

How is this for a CAT Scan?

Odds are you’re one of them

Failure

Valentines Day Proposal Goes Wrong

Since today is Valentines Day I thought I’d share a very touching video. OK, I lied. It’s a combination of hilarious, sad, embarrassing and a variety of other emotions I can’t quite put my finger on. Just watch it and tell me what you think.

“Your drug dealer does not live here!”

This is a sign posted on the back gate of a house I drove by in St. Petersburg recently. I can’t help but wonder what sort of events transpired to warrant posting such a sign.

The Kitchen – Staging Your Home

A rainbow over Rainbow Muffler

A few months ago my wife and I were driving down Belcher Road when we saw a beautiful rainbow in the sky. We snapped the following photos and wanted to share them with you all. I’m going to have to email these photos to Rainbow Muffler in Clearwater, FL.

USF vs. UConn Dance Off during a rain delay

This is a heck of a lot funnier than it sounds.

Pushy Real Estate Agent (Not me, but very funny!)

This is a training video I’ve been studying to learn how to be a more effective real estate agent. Let me know what you think of the technique demonstrated.

Overkill

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